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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27931291">In The Bleak Midwinter</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Twisted_Mirror/pseuds/Twisted_Mirror'>Twisted_Mirror</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Star Wars Sequel Trilogy</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Armitage Hux Has Issues, Armitage Hux is a Jerk, Ben Solo Lives, Ben Solo Needs A Hug, Canon Compliant, Canon Universe, Chewbacca Ships It (Star Wars), Cold, Cold Weather, Devoted Kylo Ren, Devoted Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren, Drama &amp; Romance, F/M, Falling In Love, First Kiss, Force-Sensitive Leia Organa, Friendship/Love, Gentle Kissing, Happy, Happy Ending, Ice, Idiots in Love, Kissing, Kylo Ren and Rey Are Not Related, Leia Organa Ships It, Love, Love Confessions, Mental Instability, Minor Finn/Rose Tico, Neck Kissing, One True Pairing, Pining, Protective Chewbacca (Star Wars), Redeemed Ben Solo, Rescue, Rescue Missions, Rey &amp; Rose Tico Are Best Friends, Rey &amp; Rose Tico Friendship, Romance, Snow, Snow and Ice, Soul Bond, Soulmates, Suicidal Thoughts, Supreme Leader Kylo Ren, The Force, The Force Ships It (Star Wars), True Love, Virgin Ben Solo, Virgin Rey (Star Wars)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-12-07</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-12-13</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-10 21:28:14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Major Character Death</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>5,732</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27931291</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Twisted_Mirror/pseuds/Twisted_Mirror</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Rey and her friends have visited Csilla, the homeworld of the secretive and xenophobic Chiss. From studying the books she took from Luke Skywalker, she has discovered a possibility that there is a deposit of Kyber crystals in the northern, icy plains of the planet. Unbeknownst to her companions, Rey has been experiencing visions of her and Ben's fate in a rocky, desolate land. She cannot let that future come to pass, can she?</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Finn/Rose Tico, Kylo Ren/Rey, Rey &amp; Ben Solo | Kylo Ren, Rey/Ben Solo, Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>25</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Collections:</b></td><td>Reylo Readers &amp; Writers - The Marvellous Moodboard Event</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Frozen</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It was cold, so cold. She drifted in a darkness so black and desolate, it felt as though she drowned in night itself. Fear stronger than any she had ever felt before, clutched at her heart. She was lost, trapped in an endless dark void, disorientated and alone. She wanted to cry but could not, as though she had no body, no voice. She tried to open her mouth once more to cry out, nothing.</p><p>She found herself beginning to sink in to the inevitable, when a voice reached her through the inky black. It was merely a whisper, millions of miles away, across the stars. She knew that voice, as familiar to her as her own. She tried to call out in response but couldn’t, panic beginning to wash over her.</p><p>“Don’t leave me,” the voice grew stronger, more familiar.</p><p>Deep and soft, yet its velvet timbre contained a pain and anguish that she could not bear.</p><p>“Help me…someone please,” the voice came out as a sob.</p><p>She desperately tried to reach out to them, to let them know that she heard them.</p><p>Warmth and energy slowly began to fill her, spreading through her body, comforting her. She felt life and…and love fill her as a blue effervescent glow seem to surround her, giving her solidarity and form once more. Her lungs filled with air as she took a gasp and opened her eyes. Ben, her Ben was looking down at her, his eyes radiating with both pain and relief, he had come for her, like she had always believed that he would. She sat up, taking his face in her hand, holding his hand with her free one. Her heart beat strongly within her chest, his eyes flickered when he felt it, reassuring him.</p><p>“Ben,” her expression broke into a smile so joyous and open that it broke his heart.</p><p>He did not want to say goodbye, not yet, not now, it was too soon.</p><p>Rey felt a surge of emotion flood her, happiness and love. She loved him, she always had, but now she could show him every day just how much. He would know without a doubt that he wasn’t alone. She lunged forward and kissed him firmly upon his soft, yielding lips, all previous shyness gone. Awkward and clumsy, but neither of them minded. Ben deepened the kiss, his kisses saying what his words yet could not. They eventually broke apart and for the first time in a long time, longer than he could remember, Ben broke into a smile.</p><p>Rey held on to him, marvelling at how his face changed when he smiled, his eyes crinkled and bright. She was about to tell him when his expression suddenly dropped, and the smile vanished from his eyes. He fell backwards; she tried to slow his fall, his eyes closing. Wait, no, this wasn’t right. She moved her hands to try and wake him but she couldn’t feel him, for he had begun to fade away into nothing. Her blurry tear-filled eyes stared at the blank space where had been seconds before as her hands hit the cold, stone floor. Her whole body felt cold once more, as cold as it had felt in death. She was alone again, her heart rent in two. </p><p>−−−−<br/>
Ice cold wind whipped past Rey’s hooded face, almost deafening in its ferocity. She had grown up thinking that Jakku was desolate, but Csilla was something else entirely. The planet was covered in icy plains with snow drifting across her distorted vision. She lifted the goggles up to her numbing face and looked out over the horizon. Why had she decided to come? She knew why, because she was ‘the Jedi’, the ‘saviour’ of the Resistance. The way everyone acted around her was exhausting. She grew tired of having to explain to people that it was Ben…Kylo that had killed and defeated Snoke, to save her. She had seen the doubt and disbelief in their eyes. They still credited her for that victory, despite the heavy cost of that day and the lives that had been lost. Only one person had not looked on in disbelief, but with something worse, hope. Leia.</p><p>Shaking the thought of Leia from her mind, Rey focused on the task at hand. The sooner they completed her mission, the sooner they could get off this frozen rock.</p><p>“Rey…” a whisper on the wind.</p><p>She turned trying to work out which direction the sound had come.</p><p>“…against destiny…win.”</p><p>A chill ran alone her spine that had nothing to do with the temperature of her surroundings. That voice…it was the same one from her dream.</p><p>“…see him again.”</p><p>The words were broken across the freezing gales.</p><p>“I can’t hear you, what do you mean?” she shouted at the wind.</p><p>“Save.”</p><p>Then the voice and the words they conveyed stopped and all she could hear once more was the wind.</p><p>“Wait!! Come back, I need to know,” her frustration made her angry.</p><p>There was no reply.</p><p>"Rey!" a muffled voice broke through the gales behind her.</p><p>She spun around and could just make out a dark shape moving towards her; her shoulders dropped. She would get no further answers standing here.</p><p>“Finn,” she trudged forward in her heavy boots, boots that made her legs feel like dead weights.</p><p>“We should head back to the Falcon,” his voice raised so that she could hear him, his face hidden by the shadows of his fur lines hood. “We are losing daylight; it will be dark soon.”</p><p>Rey sighed but knew that he was right. Nodding in agreement she followed him back, after looking behind her one more time at the white nothing.<br/>
The ramp to the Falcon was already down for them, a beacon in the white and grey haze. Climbing aboard the ship, Finn hit the ramp’s button, shutting it behind them with its reassuring hiss. The pair stomped their boots and removed their outer coats, hanging them on hooks by the entry.</p><p>“We’re never going to find any,” Rey grumbled as they made their way to the lounge area.</p><p>“We’ve not been here long,” Finn replied, trying to be reassuring. “Give it a chance.”</p><p>Rey just frowned and rubbed her arms, the cold still not having left her. Space in its self was cold, but Csilla was cold on another level and Rey couldn’t wait to leave. Rose appeared and threw a blanket around Rey’s shoulders, rubbing at her arms.</p><p>“Hey, where’s mine,” Finn pretended to look offended.</p><p>Rose rolled her eyes in return.</p><p>“You didn’t grow up on a desert planet.”</p><p>“I still get cold,” he pouted.</p><p>“Don’t be such a baby,” she laughed, throwing another blanket at him.</p><p>Finn caught it and gave her a little wink as Chewbacca came out of the cockpit and growled and gargled at Rey.</p><p>“It’s okay, I’ll warm up in a bit,” she replied, pouring herself a hot cup of Caff from the pot Rose had readied.</p><p>She sighed in pleasure as her hand wrapped around the warm cup, letting the steam warm her face whose cheeks and nose were pink. She slid onto the bench joining her four companions.</p><p>“You found nothing?” Rose asked.</p><p>Rey shook her head, wiggling her toes as the feeling returned to them.</p><p>“Nothing, the weather is hindering the equipment, I can’t get an accurate read.”</p><p>Rose’s expression went through a number of emotions when Chewbacca growled.</p><p>“I know.”</p><p>“You know what Rose?” Rey looked between the two of them.</p><p>“Do you want the good news or the bad news?” Rose winced.</p><p>“Oh, this will be good,” Finn mumbled taking a sip from his drink.</p><p>Rose shot him a look before continuing.</p><p>“Well good news is, Chewie and I have managed to recalibrate the sensors to get a better reading of the planet’s surface. We are definitely in the right place, there are a network of caves a mile north from here; that has to be where the crystals are.”</p><p>Rey’s countenance brightened.</p><p>“That’s good.”</p><p>“And the bad news?” Finn interjected, placing his cup down with a sigh.</p><p>“Well, our scanners show that the weather is going to get a lot worse.”</p><p>“Worse than this?” Rey snorted.</p><p>“Unfortunately, yes, a storm is coming.”</p><p>“We can just ride it out and start the search after,” Finn tried to stay positive but the look on Rose and Chewie’s face told him otherwise.</p><p>“That’s the thing, we can’t. The storms going to be huge, covering half of the planet, and may last days.”</p><p>Chewie agreed with her, waving his large fluffy hands around.</p><p>“That’s right, the ship may not be handle the storm, we need to leave and come back when it’s safer. Plus the longer we are here, the more chance the Chiss will turn up.”</p><p>Rey’s friends turned to look at her, noting how her face had fallen, her forehead marred by a frown. Her finger tips drummed lightly against the side of the mug as she chewed the inside of her lip, that voice echoing in her head.</p><p>Why couldn’t anything be simple? Her books taken from Ach to had shown her that Kyber crystals could be harvested from caverns hidden in the depths of the planet.  The search for crystals had become the reason she had given everyone else for needing to come here. Yet that was not entirely truthful. That dream, that awful dream kept playing on her mind, over and over. The only difference in the dream, was that sometimes a voice would whisper to her, like it had out in the snow. It had told her to come here. She had thought first of all it was merely for the acquisition of crystals, especially after having the location confirmed in one of those ancient tomes. The dreams could just be that, dreams, but what if the force was telling her the future, warning her. So many nights sleep had been lost when she had awoken, covered in sweat with her heart thudding loudly within her chest, the vision of Ben fading away on her mind She had seen it so many times and each time hurt as much as the last. Every time she tried to do something different but nothing changed and the same outcome prevailed as though it were written in the stars.</p><p>“Like fate…” she whispered.</p><p>Maybe the force was mocking her.</p><p>“What?” Finn’s voice broke through her stream of thought.</p><p>Her eyes shot up to three confused and concerned faces looking back at her.</p><p>“Yes, yes, you’re probably right,” she placed her now empty cup down, avoiding their eyes. “How soon do we need to leave?”</p><p>Chewbacca replied with a soft growl and a tilt of the head.</p><p>“That and we need to run a diagnostic on the hull before we go after that bumpy landing,” Rose explained. “Plus, I want to fine tune the engine in case we run into any bucket heads leaving here.”</p><p>“So in the morning?” Finn asked, before breaking into a yawn. “Will that give us enough time to leave before the storm hits?”</p><p>Rose looked down at her holopad, swiping through the various readings and data she had collected.</p><p>“Should do yes.”</p><p>“Then I suggest we all get some rest,” Rey placed her hands on the table and pushed herself up, feigning a yawn. “We’ve got a lot to do.”</p><p> </p><p>    Inside the Falcon was quiet and calm aside from the various beeps and whirs of the ship’s internal workings, its computer constantly chattering. Rey crept along the corridor, away from the sleeping quarters, her boots in her hand, socks padding quietly across the floor. Rose and Finn had been completely out of it as she had crept from her bed, their quiet snores making her smile. She proceeded to curse as she tripped over a tool box that had been clumsily left in the passageway.</p><p>“Finn dammit,” she hissed to herself. </p><p>Rubbing her stubbed toe, she sat down on a supply crate and gently pulled her boots on, pulling the lacings tight. She could hear Chewbacca snoring softly in the cockpit with a soft purr, reverberating gently.</p><p>    Grabbing her jacket from where it still hung next to the boarding ramp, she added her final layer of clothing. Placing her satchel over her shoulders and checking that she had her blaster, her hand hovered the ramp controls. For a second she hesitated, her hand shaking. Her friends would be furious, hurt even, but she could not get Ben’s lifeless form from her head. That voice that had whispered to her seemed to have changed to a persistent pulling and tugging at her conscience, willing her to follow it. She didn’t know why or how, but she knew that she had to listen. </p><p>“Rrwwghff,” a low rumble behind her made her jump.</p><p>So much for being attuned to the force. </p><p>“Chewie,” her voice came out as a raspy whisper. </p><p>“Rrmmph,” luckily, he spoke quietly. </p><p>“I have to go, somethings telling me…I need…look please Chewie.”</p><p>He growled, his eyes a flash of worry, his features downturned. Rey took his hand in both of hers, holding it to reassure him. </p><p>“It’s Ben.”</p><p>His eyes widened and she could see the questions there, questions that she honestly had herself. </p><p>“I can’t explain it, I wish that I could, but I have to go…alone.”</p><p>He did not want to let her go, wanted to protect her, unlike Han whom he had failed. Yet, he saw in her eyes that same fire and determination that she had shown that day when she had gone for Ben. A stubborn wilfulness that he recognised. His thoughts immediately went to Ben, the dark-haired boy that had sat on his shoulder as a child, not the masked killer on the bridge. She had failed before, what had changed? What could she find on this lump of ice?</p><p>“Please Chewie.”</p><p>He didn’t speak but pulled her into a hug before hitting the ramp controls. As the ramp lowered and snow and wind blew up along the ramp to meet them, she pulled up the visor over her eyes. </p><p>“If I’m not back in time, make sure you get off the planet.”</p><p>Chewbacca growled, low and tense.</p><p>“Promise me.”</p><p>Chewbacca nodded in resignation and watched Rey walk down the sloping ramp and disappear into the blurry white nothingness.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. A Crack In The Ice</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Supreme Leader Kylo Ren, bitter from Rey's rejection from him months ago, is still plagued by voices. What are they trying to tell him? <br/>Rey gets herself in trouble on Csilla</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Kylo Ren sat in his office aboard the Finalizer, the First Order’s new command ship following the destruction of the Supremacy. Its dark grey and black vibrosteel walls surrounded him, a dark cocoon to match his ever present mood. He stared down at the holo pad in his gloved hand, though the symbols and figures were just a blur as Hux waffled on in the background. He had not read the data, his mind was elsewhere; some where it wandered to in times of weakness and folly. His face tightened further into a frown, the tension spreading across his shoulders. Hux had suddenly stopped talking and Kylo, noticing the blissful silence, looked up. Hux’s cold, beady eyes were fixed on him as though awaiting an answer.</p><p>“Well Sir…shall I give the order?”</p><p><br/>Kylo raised his brow, his expression blank yet hard, aside from his expressive eyes that Hux could not abide. Eyes that were so soft and soulful as if they showed the Supreme Leaders tumultuous emotions inside. He had preferred it when their ‘leader’ had worn a mask, that emotionless case of black and chrome he could deal with.</p><p><br/>“The order to take our forces to Kashykk.”<br/>Hux always managed to sound righteously indignant and condescending to the extreme.</p><p><br/>‘Pompous prig.’</p><p><br/>Kashykk, the name made his stomach do a strange nervous flip as he remembered the lush green planet and its recently emancipated inhabitants.</p><p><br/>‘Is this what you want?’</p><p><br/>That voice, whispering to him wasn’t his, but it was there, quietly persistent.<br/>Kylo stood abruptly, slamming his hands on the table and in doing so making Hux take two steps swiftly back. He took a deep breath, steadying himself, his temper bubbling away beneath a translucent veneer of control.</p><p><br/>“Just get on with it Commander, you know what your job is.”</p><p><br/>He saw a flash of anger, no, rage, in Hux’s eyes, a Moraband serpent getting ready to strike. He knew that he was running out of time with this one, one way or the other, they were reaching a crescendo.<br/>Hux bowed abruptly.</p><p><br/>“Yes Sir.”</p><p><br/>He clicked his heels and marched aggressively from the room.</p><p><br/>Kylo sank back heavily into his seat, rubbing his temples with a sigh. The gnawing ache inside him grew worse the more he tried to ignore it, since the day the Scavenger had rejected him.</p><p><br/>‘Her name is Rey.’</p><p><br/>“Shut up,” he snarled at the empty room.</p><p><br/>Voices, voices, there had always been voices relentlessly in his mind. He had thought that once Snoke had gone, that would be over. This voice was different though.<br/>His failure at quashing the rebels on Crait ate away at him, not just from the embarrassment, but guilt and regret, his Uncle’s words haunting him. Corrosive and draining it gave him no rest. Every night, when he lay down in his cold, empty bed alone and tried to sleep, he would see her face as it had looked at him last, full of disappointment. Anger would have been easier to bear from her, rage he could cope with, knew how to handle. She had closed the door to the Falcon and on him, leaving him lonelier than he had ever been before.<br/>His loneliness fed the anger he felt at her rejection until a maelstrom of rage had consumed him. Everything he had done since had been tinged with bitterness and fury. His men had avoided him where they could, jumping a mile whenever he barked an order. He had thought that once he had defeated Snoke, Rey would take his hand and that aching hole in his heart would be gone. Instead the hole had grown larger, a vacuum within him.</p><p><br/>Their bond had stayed closed since, all communication and ties cut. He had felt her skirting around the edges of their bond and his consciousness on several occasions as though contemplating reaching out to him, or maybe just checking that he was still alive. In moments of weakness, late at night, the temptation to reach out to her was strong, a gravitational pull, inevitable. His anger would rise up like bile. Darkness inside him told him to end her, destroy her, as though that would be the final solution to his problems. He had thought that when he had killed his own father, but it had only torn him further apart. Anything and everything he did seemed to increase his suffering. He had given himself to the darkness and proved it over and over, so why was he still in pain?<br/>He wondered again, not for the first time, whether the person he should have destroyed all along was himself. His hands slid over the saber at his belt, feeling the cold metal underneath his fingertips. It could be so quick, so easy, ending it once and for all. One swipe of his finger, a flash or red, a searing pain…then nothing.</p><p>XXXXX</p><p>One foot in front of the other, left foot, right foot, left, right.</p><p><br/>“It’s just walking, you can do this.”</p><p><br/>She could do this, but the snow, the treacherous ground beneath her feet and the vicious gale force winds were making it extremely difficult. Her limbs felt stiff and heavy, clunky and clumsy in movement. Why couldn’t it have been a desert planet; that she would have known how to deal with and survive in. She tried to ignore the biting cold by focusing on her progress and staying on target. She pulled her scarf further up over her nose, shielding as much of her face as she could from the biting winds. She knew that she was running out of time for the planet’s sun had risen over two hours ago and her progress had been slow, too slow. She had considered turning back, looking behind her more than once. The Falcon’s reassuring shape had long been lost to the blurry white and blue haze. Terrified that she would get lost, she obsessively checked her scanner as she had wandered too far east or too far west on more than one occasion.<br/>She reached out with the Force, hoping that it would guide her or speak to her once more. Nothing.</p><p><br/>“Some help you are,” she muttered.</p><p><br/>Seemingly out of nowhere a small hill loomed in front of her. Sighing she tried to read her instruments to work out if she should go the long way around or attempt the climb. Mocking her the instruments blinked erratically.</p><p><br/>“Damn it,” she hit it a couple of times hoping that would make it worse.</p><p><br/>It blinked then started flashing. She didn’t have time for this. Weighing her options up, she decided to tackle the hill. From her last reading, the area that she was looking for was just over the looming mound. Reluctantly she began the climb, though she couldn’t see how far it was until the peak, the weather worsening by the minute.<br/>Her pace was slow but steady, the cold seeping through her limbs, but her mind fixed on where she needed to go. She still had no idea what this mission and finding crystals had to do with saving Ben, but the voice had been insistent, almost desperate. She replayed the dreams that disturbed her nights, searching for a clue, guidance, something, anything. Every time she tried to analyse it, Ben’s lifeless face was all that she could focus on, the way he disappeared into nothing, leaving her hollow and empty.<br/>Her mind was so wrapped up in her thoughts of what ifs and maybes, that she did not hear the faint crack and low rumble beneath her feet. The ground split and shifted, ice cracking and breaking, stones rolling. She cried out as her feet slid beneath her, the shifting ice pulling her downwards. She reached out, desperately trying to grab hold of something, but her gloved numbing hands lacked their normal dexterity. Her body fell downwards into a hole that had appeared, a fissure beneath her. She tried to shield her head, snow and ice falling on to her. As she hit the floor, she heard her leg crack and felt a flash of pain. Everything switched to black.</p><p><br/>‘Ben.’</p><p>XXXX</p><p><br/>Kylo awoke suddenly as his leg spasmed in pain, jolting him from his restless sleep. He grunted, sitting up and rubbing the cramp in his lower limb as it slowly returned to normal though a dull ache still remained. He held his head for a moment, a wave of dizziness pulsing through him. He took a moment before sliding his legs from the bed to go fetch some water theorising he was most likely dehydrated. As he got out of bed, he realised how cold he was. Shivering, he pulled on a black sweater that hung over the back of his chair, enjoying the feel of the soft cotton against his fatigued muscles. Walking slowly over to the table the other side of his quarters, he poured himself a cup of water before going to check the maintenance panel in his room for the temperature. There was obviously a problem with the heating system, maybe with the coolant. He sighed, knowing he would need to get a maintenance team on it.<br/>He pressed several buttons on the panel whilst taking a gulp of water, taking a read of the room’s temperature. His face fell into confusion, the room was completely normal. Why was he so cold? He wondered for a moment if he was ill but dismissed it immediately, he never got ill. It felt like something else, something was wrong.</p><p><br/>He stood by the window looking out across the endless stars, glittering against the inky black. A universe teeming with life and possibility, growth and renewal, yet here he was, hollow and empty. He had everything and nothing. What was the point anymore, what was his purpose?</p><p><br/>“Ben,” her voice whispered to him from across the room.</p><p><br/>He spun around, expecting to see her, but it was just as empty as before. It didn’t feel like before when they had connected. Those times that all other noise would disappear, as though all the air had been sucked from the room. It was just her and him, all of their senses entwined. Maybe his mind was taunting him.</p><p><br/>“Ben.”</p><p><br/>There it was again, a mere whisper, a fading shadow across the galaxy. For the first time in months, he reached out tentatively with the force, seeking her, opening himself to their bond that was etched within them, whether he ignored it or not. Sitting on the edge of his bed, he took deep cleansing breaths, closing his eyes and emptying his mind of all thoughts except her.<br/>Stretching out like an unused muscle, tendrils of thought crept out into the pulsing cosmos, shimmering and blue. He waited to feel a wall, a wall of resistance and anger towards him, her fiery stubborn will, but there was nothing. Quiet darkness that seemed so loud to him. The first glimmer of panic wrapped itself around his heart, tightening with each second. Shaking the concern from his mind, he reached out again, ignoring the gnawing doubt.</p><p><br/>“Ben.”</p><p><br/>Her whispered voice traced over his being, light but clear, a faint fingertip brushing against his consciousness. He shivered at her presence after so long. He opened his eyes but was surprised that he could not see her, though he definitely still felt her. His fists clenched at his side as his jaw tensed.</p><p><br/>‘Idiot.’</p><p><br/>She was obviously just sleeping and had inadvertently let her guard down, reaching out to him. Like a fool, he had jumped at the chance to see her, worried for her safety. He was weak and pathetic. Why should he worry for her when she rejected him and what he stood for?</p><p><br/>‘What do you stand for?’ that strange voice echoed in his mind.</p><p><br/>“Shut up!” he screamed, throwing his cup across the room, its smashed, fractured pieces echoing in the quiet.</p><p><br/>She was one of them, his mother’s perfect replacement child, everything he wasn’t. He wanted to rip his heart out, there and then, be free of the pain.<br/>He collapsed back on to the bed though he doubted he would find any sleep that night. Angrily he tried to realign his thoughts but all he could see was her, her eyes flashing at him in temper, her lips pinched whilst her skin glowed from combat. He could imagine the smell of rainwater and salt on her skin. Growling, he tossed and turned and wondered why he was still so damn cold.</p><p>XXX</p><p>Swirling black and blue gave way to clouded white as her eyes fluttered open. Her mind was groggy and her head throbbed angrily at her. Lying on her back, her chest felt winded as her whole body ached, the pain worsening the more her consciousness returned. She moaned, feeling stupid and clumsy, trying to deflect the worry and panic that was beginning to sweep over her. She had no way of telling how long she had been out of it for her instruments lay smashed next to her. Brushing the gathering snow from her face, she tried to move and sit up but excruciating pain shot out along her leg. She cried out in shock as the white, hot flash of pain wracked her already tender body.</p><p><br/>Slowly she pushed herself up, shivering all over, her hands shaking. She tried moving her leg again, but the pain stabbed through her again. The snow was getting thicker now and covering her at an alarming pace, replacing it as quickly as she could brush it from her. The only blessing was she was now out of the brunt of the wind, though it howled above her. She knew that if she did not move from here, she would die, buried beneath a frozen white grave.</p><p><br/>Her limbs grew stiffer as the cold seeped through to her very bones making harder and harder to move. She slowly turned over and got on all fours carefully, trying to move her injured leg as little as possible. She shakily, carefully stood, keeping her weight on the other leg, her hands reaching out to the ice surrounding her. She got half way up before crying out again, the pain causing her to crumple to the floor, dizziness threatening to send her to the edge of unconsciousness once more. Snow muffled her cries that were carried away on the wind.</p><p>XXX</p><p>Kylo lay staring at the ceiling, blank and grey, clinical durosteel, the peak of First Order decorating aesthetic. He would arrive at Kashykk the following day, another world to place under the First Order’s grasp, another people choking in its grip. The face of an old friend stayed with him, the gentle eyes looking at him, eliciting a tug within his chest. He covered his face with his hands, breathing deeply. What was wrong with him? Those emotions he had pushed beneath the surface, though barely, were pushing outwards, fighting back. He cursed and sat up again, angrily kicking the blankets off that had tangled around his legs.<br/>Mid wrestle with the fabric, he felt it, that familiar vacuum surrounding him and Rey, who was now there before him.</p><p><br/>“To what do I owe the pleasure?” though his voice was gentle, it held notes of bitterness. “I didn’t think…”</p><p><br/>His words and attitude faded immediately when he saw her. He had expected her flash of defiance and fire behind her eyes as she confronted him, her half feral snarl as she called him a monster or worse. His blood ran icy cold when he took in her curled up, fetal position on the floor before him. He assumed it was her for she a bundle covered in a layer of white powder, her right leg at an awkward angle.</p><p><br/>He immediately stood, taking a step forward.</p><p><br/>“Rey?”</p><p><br/>Her head moved as though trying to look at him, responding to his voice. He was on his knees at her side instantly, his face crumpled in concern. Falteringly he reached out with his hand, recoiling for a second when he realised that she was covered in snow, cold and wet. Her whole body was shivering, small micro spasms shaking her. Brushing snow from her hooded head, he pulled the fabric back to look at her face. He inhaled sharply, one from the contact with her once more, like an electric shock, and two, from her appearance. Her normally golden face was as white as the snow that was burying her, her skin bruised and scratched. Her eyes were closed, snowflakes collecting across her fluttering lashes.</p><p><br/>“Rey?”</p><p><br/>He tried to fight the rising panic and assess the situation, all anger and bitterness he had felt had fled. Reaching out, his eyes closed, he let the force flow through them both, flinching when he felt her battered and bruised limbs and fractured leg. Where was she? Where were her so called ‘friends’?<br/>He stroked her face again, her skin was marble to touch.</p><p><br/>“Rey please.”</p><p><br/>The hazy fog that swarmed her, retreated enough for her to feel a soft warmth spread across her face as though the sun shone upon her for a moment. A familiar presence surrounded her, called to her. She willed her eyes open for a moment and saw Ben kneeling at her side, his eyes searching and hoping. She reached out a gloved hand towards him, though it took her remaining energy. He took it in his, reaching his fingers under the fabric to warm her hand with his.</p><p><br/>“Where are you?”</p><p><br/>“Mm mm.”</p><p><br/>“You have to tell me where you are.”</p><p><br/>He could have sworn that she laughed, a laugh tinged with resentment.</p><p><br/>“Where are you?”</p><p><br/>“…destroy me…”</p><p><br/>He frowned, his words from months previous echoing within.</p><p><br/>‘I’ll destroy her. And you. And all of it.’</p><p><br/>He sighed heavily, nausea at his own words rising.</p><p><br/>“Rey, I…”</p><p><br/>How could he explain how confused and conflicted he was? How could he explain how hurt and angry he had been when she had rejected him, but that he would never hurt her? He couldn’t hurt her.<br/>If anything happened to her, he knew he would be truly lost and for all time.</p><p><br/>“Tell me where you are,” he tried again, attempting to hide the emotion in his voice, though it still cracked under the strain.</p><p><br/>“Mmnph…dreams told me…you.”</p><p><br/>“Told you what?” he cleared the snow from her again.</p><p><br/>“Find the crystals,” she whispered, her teeth chattering.</p><p><br/>She was not making sense, clearly confused and delirious.</p><p><br/>He was not going to get any answers from her, not knowingly at least. He held his free hand over her, reaching into her mind with the force, their bond throbbing with the communion. He saw that island again, saw the pain in her eyes when she had sought answers in the cave and felt the belonging that warmed her when he had answered her call. He saw the sleepless nights after that day on the Supremacy, sleepless nights that matched his own. He felt her disappointment and sadness at his decision to stay on his own path, alone. A path that had brought him what exactly? He saw her days with the Resistance, being with them but not really part of them. Above all, he saw that she had thought of him every day since, and that it had been the hardest thing she had ever done to not reach out to him.<br/>Then he saw the book, its open pages before her as she read and studied it.</p><p><br/>“Rey, you have to hold on, I’m coming for you.”</p><p><br/>“Ben,” there was a half smile upon her lips before she faded out again and disappeared from the room.</p><p><br/>Ben was alone again, kneeling on the floor where the remaining snow melted before him. For the first time in his life, a sense of certainty overwhelmed him. He knew what he had to do.</p>
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